black love

So I’m scrolling through Facebook and came across a post that I had to share! A very interesting message from Tia Phillips who has a strong opinion on black women being told that they should settle for men still in the “growth” stage. Have you ever heard this before? I definitely have!

My Non-Angry Black Woman Rant

Why do some black men believe black women have magical healing powers. Like we’re supposed to enter your life, fix all of your problems and in the end if we’re lucky you’ll love us back, stay loyal and let us call you king. I mean if I have to heal you then shouldn’t I be the king. Clearly, if that was possible then I would have all the power! I don’t know about you ladies but I don’t want the responsibility of fixing anyone. Especially since I hear many times that a woman cannot raise a man. If I a woman can’t raise a little boy to be a man then I can’t help a man grow up either. Women aren’t born thinking one day I’ll go up , catch me male and fix him real good. They (mainly black women) are TAUGHT to get what they can, hold him down through his crap and literally pray to god you get a ring. I don’t want to be the voice of all woman but can I ask the men on behalf of most of us to FIX YOURSELF! We’re tired and we have our own problems. That whole I’m just going to be a man and if you really love me you’ll see past that and stick by me til I’m done taking you for granted thing has to go. They say all that with a smile as if they’re handling your last opportunity to happiness. Meanwhile, if a man doesn’t want you for the smallest of reasons you can’t even get a text. Aren’t men so funny!

All I’m saying is we have every right to not want your problems. Black girl magic does not give us magically male healing powers.

Tia Phillips on Struggle Love


There’s nothing noble or cute or endearing about choosing a man that you have to help “build”. That doesn’t make you a better woman. We are not teenagers anymore. We are not fresh out of college. Stop accepting men with stunted growth as these pet projects. No real man wants his woman to have to be his crutch anyway.

And a black woman who expects financial and emotional security from their partner is not automatically shallow or a gold digger!

I’ve grown up my entire life in a white community and that is never ever the narrative that white girls/women are fed. They are groomed to aspire to finding the best partner possible. As they should. As WE should!
Stop trying to win the gold medal in the Humble Olympics.”

“Just so y’all know, struggle love isn’t just limited to finances.
It’s ANY man who is not fit for partnership (and I’m speaking about men because black women are the ones who are fed the “build him up” narrative so don’t come here commenting “but what about unfit women?”)
Men who don’t know how to be faithful. Don’t be their experiment.
Men who have children already but are not excellent fathers.
Men who say they love you but don’t show you.
Men that know your goal is eventually marriage but they don’t honor that.
Men who find every reason to take while rarely giving.
Men who have some other type of serious flaw that you would have to fix at the detriment to yourself.
So often people assume that because I married a wealthy man that was the end all be all. Nope. Financial stability was ONE requirement. Who he was as a person and what his heart was made of was another huge factor.
I don’t want women to subscribe to the narrative that you should just marry well financially. I want black women to subscribe to the narrative that they deserve to marry the COMPLETE package and that they need not settle for one or the other. ”

-Tia Phillips

What do you guys think?

1 Comment

  1. […] Struggle love for black women and their magical powers […]

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