Lessons In Love Starring Monet Bell
You may have heard of the new show #BlackLove that recently premiered on the FYI Network. #BlackLove follows five beautiful black women in New York City as they search for love and discover what has been holding them back. You may even remember one of the cast members Monet from Married at First Sight.
Rewind to Married at First Sight
Married at First Sight pairs six people together, gives them a week to prepare and marries them the moment they meet. After six weeks the couples get to decide if they want to stay married or get a divorce. This may sound like a crazy reality show, where the best couple wins a quarter of a million at the end, but it’s not. All six people come into the experiment hoping to walk away with a lifelong partner. Every person goes through a process so the matchmakers can find them their perfect match.
A very important question in finding a mate is, what are you looking for? Monet was convinced that she wanted a traditional man and that’s exactly what she got. However, that traditional man turned out not to be her perfect match and they decided to divorce.
Fast Forward to #BlackLove
Now that Monet is divorced and still on the search to find the man of her dreams the question has come up again? What do you want? Monet has been adamant that the man she marries must have traditional values. Once again, she is set up with a man, but this time no I do’s are involved. Can you believe the guy brought a bottle of rum and a shot glass on a blind date? I’m sure this is one of those things she can look back and laugh about. Monet can also thank that man for the clarity she received. If you were to ask her what she wants now, she’d reply a gentleman. That’s all she wanted this whole time.
Monet learned from a failed marriage that sometimes you think you know exactly what you want until you get it. Even when you get the wrong thing you’ll come up with an excuse to keep it.
- Maybe we need to get to know each other more.
- This is just a part of being in a relationship
- If I try harder, he’ll change.
From a bad blind date, Monet realized she had it all wrong; she’s been looking for the wrong thing all along. It’s hard to think you can feel confident in the women you are, know what you deserve and who you intend on attracting only to be wrong. That sucks. But, like Monet was advised you have to forgive yourself for your failures. Even if it isn’t a marriage, forgive yourself for wasting time on the wrong one because he made sense on paper. A man could check off everything on your list and still be the wrong one. Why? Because, you’ve been walking around with the wrong list for years.
What do you want?
More importantly, what do you need? Dating coach, Damona Hoffman told another cast member that “We form our belief systems based on our experiences.” Events that take place in our life lead us to believe we want or need a certain type of man. This comment was directed at Jahmil Eady who stated her wants by saying “Can I live on my terms, maintain my independence and sense of freedom, but also find a relationship that is fulfilling.” She also prefers to date men over the age at 40, while being only 26.
While it is possibly she genuinely has an odd attraction to older men, she did state she had a need for the stability she felt wasn’t provided in her childhood. It seems to me that Jahmil, like many women, is in search for peace in men instead of themselves.
Two Lessons in Love
1. Know exactly what it is you want and be prepared to receive it.
2. Getting what you want can satisfy you in a moment. Getting what you need is what will fulfill you in the end.